Sunflower Faith

 Next time you say a prayer, listen carefully how you say it.

Do you ever say a dangerous prayer? You know-the one where instead of asking our Father to bless us, or to help us either get the things we think we want or hope we want, or to intervene, instead, just give it all to Him and leave it in His hands and to His will for whatever He sees fit for us.

Lysa shared how Nancy Guthrie of “Prayers that Move the Heart of God“, shared,

“….by changing her prayers to be more about getting to know God rather than getting what she wants from Him, she is beginning to experience Him in deeper ways than ever before.

This is a humbling thought and a difficult habit too that I think we all experience at some time or another; Like Lysa, I struggle to present my requests to our Father but not only resist making them the focus of the prayer, but instead aligning on three simple principles that Lysa shared:

• aligning one’s heart with God’s heart
• escaping from one’s own selfish perspective of life
• listening, really listening to God

That can be pretty hard to do.

We want Him to help make something successful, get a job, bless our family, bless our work, the list can go on, but maybe, just maybe, if we stop worrying about something that has a direct effect on us, we focus our prayers on things that has an indirect effect if any effect at all on us and really just lay it in His hands.

As Lysa shared, when we think about the prayers that we do ask, how are they not slightly flawed? She answers,

“But they are slightly flawed prayers because they set my expectation of God to be what I want without taking into consideration the possibilty of God’s bigger plan. I make God into One who stunts my growth with convenience and comfort rather than One who grows me into a woman of character, perservance, and maturity.”

We want the promises, but we don't want to get any dirt under our fingernails in the process.

Translation: We don’t want to be inconvenience, have to work for it, have to learn, have to grow, or have to suffer because it’s too difficult, we don’t have time, we are too busy, we are above that, we *fill in the blank* the excuses we tell ourselves and try to tell Him.

Or worse yet….rather than wait for Him, we convince ourselves that though we haven’t truly heard from Him, WE don’t have the time to wait for what He desires of us and just take command and go full steam ahead, all the while convincing ourselves or rather try to convince ourselves, it’s for the better good and for Him.

This reminds me so much of the story of Saul. You know King Saul. Remember what he did.

Rather than wait to hear from Samuel, Saul took it upon himself to decide what it was that God wanted for him and then in his pride, continue to justify ignoring God and go on his own path all the while trying to use God to further himself. Didn’t work out well.

Even when he got those not so subtle hints, our Father wasn’t happy and that he should listen, King Saul was so driven to further himself, after God appointed him king right, that he kept praying prayers that well…really was too driven for his gratification.

Ouch.

Sometimes, we have to pray those dangerous prayers, to just put it all on and to our Father and completely remove ourselves from the picture, including literally, saying, it doesn’t matter if we get the job, or the project is a success or “fill in the blank” because it’s not about the job, the project or whatever it is that we are elevating in far more importance in seeing it becomes a success over hearing and doing what OUR FATHER WANTS.

As Lysa quoted from Nancy Gutherie,”…..if healing doesn’t come, if the relationship remains broken, or if the pressures increases, I have the opportunity to discover for myself, He is is enough. His prescence is enough. His purpose is enough.”

I think it is almost safe to say that what this means-who cares; It’s not about if we are going to be a success or not; It’s not if it’s going to be if we will be healed from the emotional or physical pain-yes that is good-and Lord that would be a blessing-but that will not be what is enough-What IS enough is that HE is enough.

Everything else.

Temporary.

This world will one day pass.

Buildings, books, computers, jobs, material possessions, everything…all this is temporary. Not God.

He is enough. He is forever. He is eternal. He is the Beginning and He is the End. He is enough.

Pray that dangerous prayer.

Don’t ask for comfort; Don’t ask for convenience.

Ask God to do what HE needs to do to challenge us, to convict, yes, convict us, cleanse us from this worldly attachment and care only to be attached to Him.

Don’t trade God for this world or what the world wants-Make MORE of Him, want more of Him, call and pray more of Him. If you are to diminish anything in this world-diminish the lesser things.

In the words of Lysa:

• May I make less of me
• less of this world
• less of the temporary
• so that I may be a vessel MORE (emphasis added by me) of God,
• more full of eternal perspectives,
• more full of His everlasting!

Is this your desire? It’s mine. So whaddya say we say those dangerous prayers.

Wow! Can you believe that it’s 2010 and a brand new year!

There is six more chapters to this book study that I have been following along and even though it’s a new year, wanted to complete what was started.

When I first started reading “Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl” for the online book study, I was wanting and seeking a more deeper, more alive and more intentional relationship with our Heavenly Father and what a journey and blessing it has been.

To say that the book study has been easy, is far from it and if anything, it’s asking a lot of hard questions, it seems like, at the right time.

In Chapter 12 of “When God Hurts My Feelings”, Lysa writes,”The bolder I am with pouring out my hart to God, the bolder He is with His responses to me.” (pg 142).

That is so true.

We get what we ask for and sometimes, it seems funny that when we call upon Him for that deeper faith and relationship and He gives it to us, how easy it is sometimes for us to turn around and run.

She provided a very powerful reminder to us all,”I (Lysa) would pray for God to change the situation and just make it better. But time and time again, God wanted me to learn how to look at things from His vantage point rather than my own self-centered perspective”.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a lot of “Why me” moments and wishes for second chances.

It’s difficult to understand when whatever it is that happens happens and for many of us, struggling to understand, why couldn’t we have been dealt with a better hand than what we have.

Maybe even lookingly longely with our hearts, for “What if’s” that realistically we know will never or could never happen.

It takes time, consoles Lysa.

“It takes time. Even when you love God and believe in His promises. Even when you know wihtout a doubt that you will see your loved one again. Even when you know hope is sill there.

It takes time.

It takes wading through at ocean of tears.”

Everything serves to God’s greater good and to His glory, but wouldn’t it be great if at that moment of time, that wasn’t the case, or maybe years later.

¹⁰ For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. ¹¹ Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:10-11, New King James Version)

You’re not alone if you have those moments of grief be it on the outside or inside of you.

You’re not alone when you have those moments when you just think or even say out ,”Lord, why me? Why this life”….just….”Why”?

¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11, New King James Version)

Everything has and is made perfect through and in Jesus Christ; He is the firm foundation that no storm can and will tear you from. The hardest part is remembering that sometimes and that’s okay.

We’re human.

That’s what makes relying on Him better than anything on this Earth, because our Heavenly Father, through and in Jesus Christ, makes all things for His good.

Even earlier in the chapter, Lysa shared how God had convicted and encouraged her when faced with a difficult situation.

She shared about a project that she was part of but ended up, her part in the project had been cancelled. She later found out that a woman who participated, intentionally painted Lysa in a not so pleasant light to turn disfavor on Lysa and now felt horrible of the part she had played and asked Lysa for, forgiveness.

Lysa shared that she felt like she could easily have shared something other than forgiveness, considering the part she (Lysa) had hoped to be a part of, in the project,was long gone.

Lysa shared about the bitterness that was in her heart about the woman and the people who listened to the woman and what she got floored her and is a lesson for all of us:

It was shared that God showed her several things:

• He addressed her misperceptions about the situation by helping her to see it from another perspective.

For those of us, you, me, all of us, any of us, reading that is like getting ice cold water thrown on our view. He showed Lysa and even us through her story, that there are no accidents in what He does and wow, that’s a lesson, even I am still working on learning and coming to terms with.

God showed Lysa that He didn’t need her, just like He really doesn’t need you or me, to do His work. That’s not our place. It reminded me of what a mentor at church told me, “It’s not our job to be the Holy Spirit. It’s our job to let the Holy Spirit do HIS work without us and to be used only when HE needs us, not when we decide He is needed”.

My hubby would laughingly call this, being a busy-body and getting into people’s business when they don’t really need you.

God had some work to do in the lady’s heart and HE knew what was needed to be done, Lysa didn’t and it wasn’t her call to decide that. He just needed her to be in what turns out to be the right place at the right time,though it probrably didn’t feel like that to her, for Him to do what HE needed to do.

• He helped Lysa see how sin clouded her view and that she was refusing to acknowledge her part.

Notice how we get perturbed about something, not because it’s really about what the other person was or wasn’t doing, but because well, they weren’t doing what WE wanted them to do, but it was easier to blame it on them.

Lysa shares, “all opportunties are gifts from God. I (she) wanted to take credit for something that had very little to do with me (Lysa) in the first place.” She continued with, “I had misplaced notions of where this opportunity had come from and Who was really responsible for creating it”.

Wow. Was that a major “Whoa” moment or what?

It really just reminded me back to what I shared what my mentor had said,”WE (you, me, all of us) are not the Holy Spirit. Let Him do His job”.

• He showed me (Lysa) my stubborness and my (Lysa) refual to extend grace in my effort to prove I was right.

The trouble with pride, is that we want to take the credit and make it all about us. Silent treatments, gossip, refusal to be the better person. How does that make us the better person or an example of Christ if we refuse to forgive. I mean really forgive.

Lysa shared a powerful point here,

“I am a person who deseparately needs grace; therefore, I must (emphasis is mine)freely give it.I didn’t need to prove I was right and withhold my forgiveness to punish her. God was dealing with her about what she’d done. My responsibility was to extend grace and make the choice to move on.”

How many of us, personally take the reigns and take control and be conditional? There is a great quote that “If we call ourselves Christians, we can’t choose whom we love”.

God didn’t choose who He loved. He loved all of us. He loved all of us enough that His ONE and ONLY Son died, for you, for me, for all of us, all of us sinners, all of us, so that in and through Him we would be saved.

Wow.

We have the opportunity to just demostrate SIMPLY through that simply act of simply saying “I forgive you”, yet we easily say “I love you” to everything and about everything else and saying “I forgive you” is like pulling teeth.

I know. I’m there. I’ve been there. I’m working on it. I’ve worked on it.

As I was catching up on my reading for “Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl” and I read this chapter, I had actually finished reading a book that had me thinking down this path.

How is it not sinning ourselves, when we withhold forgiveness of others?

We applaud Jesus when He stops the Pharisees from stoning the adulteress and gives her forgiveness, yet…when we are hurt ourselves, we pick up the stones and either are ready to throw or do throw them.

Praise God, that He is bigger and better than that and just as He works on the “other person’s” heart, you can trust He will work on our hearts too…It’s never just …the other side. We are the other side too.

In the end, it’s not about what you want or see things, or what I want or see things, or anyone wants or see things, but in the end, its how our Heavenly Father wants and sees things and THAT is what is important.

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 The interesting thing about the Book of James is that it reads more like a book about how a believer should guard their tongue and how they communicate with both believers and non-believers.

I don’t know what it is about being female, but it seems “gossip” and even “gossip under the guise of prayer” is our worse follies if we are not careful to watch how and what and whom we speak of.

Lysa touches on a very touchy subject that seems to be semi-spoken about in the church, at the home and among ourselves.

“Gossip”.

Doesn’t even sound good does it?

Lysa offers some valuable points that we all need to consider not only for others, but for ourselves, when we deal with the different temperments and personalities that we come across in our lives.

• Guard your tongue to keep out of trouble.

  ²³ Whoever guards his mouth and tongue   Keeps his soul from troubles.
       (Proverbs 21:23, New King James Version)

Lysa shared that it’s not good to be in situations where idle chatter abounds, and who among us, hasn’t found ourselves in those situations. What’s worse, in the air of friendship, we hear a friend has been hurt, but rather than find out the facts, out of emotional investment, we are quick to jump to the defense and in the middle, often times, mudding the waters more than it should be and fueling fast judgements, then allowing our Father time to take time to heal the situation himself.

You, me, we have all been guilty of it and how often, when the air clears, the dust settles, we find out that in our haste, people unintentionally or maybe intentionally, have been hurt by nothing more than high emotions and misunderstandings or even lack of understandings, and words that have been said, cannot be taken back.

A while back I posted here, a story about nails on the fence, and words we say in the heat of anger and emotion, once pounded into the fence, leave scars that can’t be removed, even after the nails themselves are.

It’s easier to think twice before hand, before having to say “your sorry” than having to say your sorry after damage has been done. Though the salve of forgiveness is asked and replied, it doesn’t take away the scar that stays there afterwards.

We are masters of our own tongue, not our friend, not our spouse, not anyone, but we are; And with our tongue we choose,voluntarily to either bless or to curse.

We also bear witness to each other and to non-believers our relationship to Christ, how we choose to deal with a hurtful situation as well.

• Limit your words to be wise.

  ¹⁹ In the multitude of words sin is not lacking,  But he who restrains his lips is wise.
       (Proverbs 10:19, New King James Version)

Two vital questions are shared by Lysa that we should memorized, place on a post it note on our computers, or dayplanners, on our phones, wherever to always ask ourselves prior to engaging in any type of conversation:

1. Are my words kind?
2. Are they true?
3. Are they necessary?

It’s almost like the old saying, “If you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all?” and imagine how much it easier to be able to stepback and get better perspective on a situation before we say anything at all if we thought about it first, then reacted!

I remember reading about email etiquiette that we need to discipline ourselves, prior to hitting the send button, to always think of what we are about to say, before we send out anything. The same can be said for the spoken word as well.

We need to train ourselves to think what we are about to say, instead of treating everything like a snowball fight that has escalated out of control.

For myself and for others, I’ve seen how words that are posted online, by email, or face to face, can hurt deeper than if salt itself was poured on open words. Just imagine, how much a relationship could be saved, if we just took a step back from a situation just think, really think, how would we feel if that was directed at us…wouldn’t feel so good would it? Yet we think it’s okay to share with others.

 Then she shares this:

• Use your words to validated your relationship with the Lord, not negate it.

Pretty resounding ouch. This isn’t a chapter if you are into gossipping about others.

²⁶ If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless. (James 1:26, New King James Version)

I think it’s a Southern thing, but I heard a joke about how, when Southerners wanted to “passively” critique others, they would preface their statements with ,”Bless her heart” or “Bless his heart” and follow it with a critique or gossip or a belittling compliment disguise as being “sweet”.

For example:

“Bless your heart that you didn’t know how to send that email.”

There is a comic that describe this as using this term as a “slate cleaner”, basically help us feel better that we are about to put someone down, but in a “nice way”.

I actually looked into this and on a post titled,”Bless Your Heart”, I read the following:

Some people seem to think saying “bless your heart” excuses anything they have just said or are about to say.  “Bless Your Heart” is a phrase people use to excuse themselves for speaking ill of someone. They use it not only when they are speaking about someone else, but also when they are saying something negative to a person’s face. I think it comes from a desire to at least give the appearance of being polite in any and all circumstances.”-Bless your heart post 

The post seem to reflect what Lysa was trying to convey on whether,”Are your words saying “Bless your heart” in a good way or a bad way.”

We’re human; We make mistakes, but we also seem to forget that by judging others, we sin; No way around that is there? Doesn’t feel good, but neither is denying the pain it causes, particularly if that pain comes from a believer.

Lysa continue to share another vital point that we forget in our relationships, when we “critique” our friends under the umbrella of “just being honest”.

Ever said that?

Ever been told that?

Ouch.

Maybe we were told, “God laid it on their heart” or “they are just being honest” and it’s clear that the Bible says, being honest is important, but being honest constructive is a different thing from “just trying to be honest”.

Being honest constructively, means wanting to help others to grow closer to God, but if all we are doing is judging for the sake of judging, we must be aware that we must be honest to ourselves first about our own sins as well.

Telling someone else, “Not to judge” or that “they are sinning” to, in all “honesty” is a worse offense because it doesn’t become about encouraging each other no longer, but just about attacking each other, that of which is an offense to God of both of you.

So what is a “Good Bible Study girl to do”?

Keep EVERYTHING in prayerful consideration first and bring it to our Father first and no where did He say, being ugly was allowed. LOL

When we are willingly to be honest with someone, cutting off contact afterwards is not being honest with them or ourselves or with our Heavenly Father.

It’s an unwilligness to admit that we didn’t give this prayful consideration, we didn’t have that other best interest at heart and rather than earn the right to have those type of considerations, instead we are submitting to justifying our own willful selves instead.

¹ “Judge not, that you be not judged. ² For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. ³ And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? (Matthew 7:1-3, New King James Version)

You. Me.Anyone.

We never COMPLETELY know what is going on in someone else’s lives; Who are we to make judgements based on snapshots of others lives that we think entitles us to lay down a general, emotional based opinion about something we may truly not know what is going on, the whole story, or maybe due to our own emotions, lack of patience or need for control, prefer to make choices for the worse because it satisifies the self, versus taking time to make choices that are beneficial to our Heavenly Father.

It’s not to say we won’t fall, but it doesn’t justify us being ugly either.

Lysa shared in her book what a woman name Elizabeth wrote and I feel that its something that you, me, all of us, need to remember everyday in our lives as we come in contact, be it via blogs, Facebook, Twitter, emails, or day to day contact that in Christ, we are not gossipers, slanderers or liars, but in Christ, we are brothers and sisters:

We eat our own.We make up litmust tests and then level judgements. Does she dress the way a Christian woman should?Does she wear her hair the way a Christian woman should?Does she go to the “right”parish or church?Does she manage her fiances the “right” way? Spend her time the “right”way? Does she have enough children and are they spaced the “right” way? if the answers don’t fit what we’ve decided constitute holiness, we chew the woman up and spit her out in disgust.

And we become women of opinion, not conviction,to use a phrase coined by Colleen Mitchell. We become women who are so preoccuppied by judging and condemning that we tear down our own houses with our own hands. The spirit of condemnation pervades the very being of the woman and erodes at the gentleness, peacefullness, and goodness her family deserves. She become a bitter woman and her life bears bitter fruit.

Ephesians 4:29, writes,” ²⁹ Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. (Ephesians 4:29, New King James Version)”

And so it should be in all our days.

Kindness and respect shouldn’t just be reserved for our friends that we really know; Being a Christian isn’t a clique. Remember in Matthews how Jesus’s disciples reacted when He went to have dinner at Matthew’s home?Remember how the Pharisees were aghast?

Jesus didn’t come to save the people He picked and choose….He came to save all of us…you, me, all of us and when it comes down to it…none of us really deserve grace and have fallen short of His glory, but HE, loves us all and so loved us all, He wanted to save ALL of us.

Not just select.

Lysa reminds us convictingly,”Whatever corners of teh world He’s called us to, we must find joy there and resist the urge to make our own way of doing life the only way.When we let our mind go to places it shouldn’t it is doubly hard to hold back the judgement and the gossip“. (pg 116)

As I finished this chapter, I contemplated, the worse thing I think I could honestly have seen or felt, is seeing and hearing people so caught up judging or gossipping what is or was so wrong about another person (whether it was right or not), that they failed to see how badly it was reflecting themself.

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