It takes a lot to forgive.
When a hurt has happen, the heart is broken and the pain is there….it takes a lot to forgive.
25 And whensoever ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have aught against any one; that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. (Mark 11:25, American Standard Version)
Some may see forgiving as being weak.
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.
via the Mayo Clinic,”Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness”
Some may see forgiving as forgetting or excusing.
Some may just be holding onto the anger and hurt inside of them, that its hard to see past that and forgive for fear of whatever it is that they are afraid of will happen if they forgive.
Yet we read in Mark 11:25, that when, WE, pray, we are to forgive just as there are things, that though may not be comparable, still, our Father’s still forgives us for.
That’s hard and rough and painful and not in what works for us and there has to be a loophole and the questions and the defense and….
14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15, American Standard Version)
There’s still gotta be a loophole…somewhere…somehow, yet….ever notice that the real person, being punished, is the object of the unforgivable….but us.
We are the ones sleepless at night, or dealing with the anger and the pain and yet, “Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do “for” somebody else. When you forgive, you set a prisoner free; only to discover that the prisoner was you.
It takes less energy to forgive.
It does and maybe that’s why it makes it so hard, yet when Christ was on the cross (and Crucifixion is a very painful form of death)think of what Christ called out, from the cross, dying:
34 Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”
And they divided His garments and cast lots. (Luke 23:34, New King James Version)
And He forgave the thief on the cross; This didn’t mean the thief hopped off the cross and all was well, but the thief knew that he (the thief) was forgiven for the crime he had committed, knew it was wrong, was still going to face the consequences, but God was willing to forgive the thief, because the thief was sincerely wrong and sought it.
Key thing there.
The thief SOUGHT forgiveness and it was given, not,”Okay, I forgive you”, and then held against the thief later on as a card to be played over and over when it benefit the other part, but forgiven as in, finite, forgiven, and moved forward.
39 Then one of the criminals who were hanged blasphemed Him, saying, “If You are the Christ, save Yourself and us.”
40But the other, answering, rebuked him, saying, “Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation?
One malefactor was hardened to the last. No troubles of themselves will change a wicked heart.
The other was softened at the last: he was snatched as a brand out of the burning, and made a monument of Divine mercy………He reproved the other for railing on Christ. He owned that he deserved what was done to him.
He believed Jesus to have suffered wrongfully. Observe his faith in this prayer. Christ was in the depth of disgrace, suffering as a deceiver, and not delivered by his Father.
He made this profession before the wonders were displayed which put honour on Christ’s sufferings, and startled the centurion. He believed in a life to come, and desired to be happy in that life; not like the other thief, to be only saved from the cross. Observe his humility in this prayer.
All his request is, Lord, remember me; quite referring it to Jesus in what way to remember him. Thus he was humbled in true repentance, and he brought forth all the fruits for repentance his circumstances would admit.
Christ upon the cross, is gracious like Christ upon the throne. Though he was in the greatest struggle and agony, yet he had pity for a poor penitent.
By this act of grace we are to understand that Jesus Christ died to open the kingdom of heaven to all penitent, obedient believers. It is a single instance in Scripture; it should teach us to despair of none, and that none should despair of themselves; but lest it should be abused, it is contrasted with the awful state of the other thief, who died hardened in unbelief, though a crucified Saviour was so near him. Be sure that in general men die as they live.
Via the Matthew Henry Commentary
41 And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong.” 42 Then he said to Jesus, “Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.”
43 And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.” (Luke 23:39-43, New King James Version)
Yet, honestly, how often do we do that to people in our lives.
We tell them “sorry”, or they tell us sorry, but instead of really forgiving them, or they us or accepting their apologies or they us, we or they, use their wrongs, or our wrongs are used against us, like a broken record, that spends round and round and round….old hurts, always dug up for opportunist moments that serve nothing more but to hurt more…not heal…not move….forward.
The Mayo Clinic, in its article shared this specific of why forgiving is important,
“If you’re unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you’re at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.”
Notice not the other person, but we tend to be weighed more down by the chains than the other person. We were and are forgiven and we must forgive, so we could move forward in our walk with our Father in Heaven.
Just like a busy street, you can’t cross it and then stop, and go both forward and backward…you can either choose to go forward, toward, YOUR, destination, or go back or risk being run over….
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. (Matthew 18:21-22, New King James Version)
Forgiveness gives us, often, the freedom we are seeking and allows, GOD, to do what we often turn to Him for: hope, healing, encouragement, strength, confidence, a tomorrow….
We can’t be like the servant who, upon having his debt paid, turned around and demanded payment from another (ref: Matthew 18:21-35). No big deal we might say, but as Jesus shared in the parable of the unforgiving servant:
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. Via the Mayo Clinic
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. (Matthew 18:21-22, New King James Version)
As the Mayo Clinic shared ,”As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.”
Hurt people hurt people…that’s just a given, but we can rise above that and seek change, healing…freedom.
“God loves you and has chosen you as his own special people. So be gentle, kind, humble, meek, and patient.Put up with each other, and forgive anyone who does you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you.” Colossians 3:12-13 CEV)
Particularly with the holidays, embrace a gift that God has given, ALL of us,the gift of forgiveness….it doesn’t mean: holding on, enabling, allowing, or justifying…it means..healing, moving forward…..
If you are dealing with issues of forgiveness and particularly, with the holidays, being a time when dealing with pains and hurts tend to rise up the most, here are some helpful links (please keep in mind these are third party links of other authors thoughts):
Forgiveness is a must if we are to be healthy spiritually, emotionally, socially and physically. We must desire and choose to be healed.
May we allow God’s love to wipe away the tears of our hurts and restore us to wholeness as we forgive others.-Jerry Massey,Pastor, First Baptist Church,Paris, TN
****Special Note****
There is NO excuse for being abused or being in an abusive relationship. If you, a loved one, or anyone you know, is in an abusive or dangerous relationship, there is help available.
Each city and town, have services available as well as information on the internet (please make sure they are reputable sources as well if searching online) that can provide you with the legal help and advice that is needed. Contact your local shelters and authority. There is help out there;There is never a good reason to stay in a dangerous and abusive relationship.
From Christian Survivors, Support Group,”A Christian’s View of Forgiveness”
“God’s model to Solomon to help with disputes is more a mediation process and does not work with victims of abuse…..The victim’s responsibility is for themselves and their own relationship with God and learning to deal with that with honesty and openness..”
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Colossians 3:12-13