This came about as I found myself debating how to explain to some acquaintences that I knew, that I wasn’t really interested in attending a get together they were having.
Not that it wasn’t interesting and I’m pretty sure it would be, but just that, it wasn’t really my cup of tea. It led me to thinking about our lifestyle as a whole and I summed it up pretty quick,”We’re really not that exciting”.
Not boring either, but pretty average. We don’t take exciting vacations and a lot of time they are “Stay-cations” due to being a one income family we have to budget carefully for everything, but still live a comfortable though average life.
We try to keep things to a mininium and though we don’t keep up with the Joneses or heading out every weekend somewhere, we try to once or twice a year do something out of the ordinary. I dont’ mean sky-diving or bungee jumping, but a nice vacation that includes my mother in law since my father in law prefers to stay at home.
Other that that….we’re (drum roll)….pretty boring.
Which goes back to, I didn’t really feel like meeting up with the acquaintenences. It was more of a “Girl’s Night Out” but unfortunately it was pretty easy to know where the conversations was going to go and I just didn’t want to be a part of it, plus I felt awkward around them.
Most was single but those who weren’t, worked and their kids went to public school and I was pretty much the only stay at home mom who homeschool and it was hard not to feel left out around them.
Sometimes, I felt like jumping up and down and waving my arms in the air and saying, “Hey, just because I homeschool doesn’t mean I’m not a normal mom. I like to talk and even share how my kids are doing in school even though school is at home and I’m the teacher.”
“Ask me how my kids are doing or how I’m doing, but I feel left out that I feel like they are talking over my head and not to me”.
Then there’s just the whole, back in high school trying to fit in a clique feeling.
So it’s easier to stay at home, because ironically, the moms I get along best with are the ones who are in the same boat as I am. They stay at home, are one income, know what it’s like to budget and have “meatloaf” nights just to make meals stretch out till the next paycheck, and we can talk “shop” about what the kids are learning or teaching styles or did you check out the latest post on the homeschool blog.
I like how we talk about curriculum finds like the guys talk about their latest hunting adventure, instead of guns though, it’s coupons and internet searches and book sales and library book sales are the best.
Those are the things that make the adrenaline flowing as we brag about how many books we were able to get and did you see what a bargain I found last week?
The bottom line truth, they understand what it means that an average day means getting up, taking care of daily household chores, schooling, making dinner and its the same thing the next day.
It’s both a lifestyle choice and reality for us and many whom,often as a one income family,it means sometimes this week or month, it’s going to the park or sometimes field trip is simply an hour longer in the backyard for nature observation.Getting away for us is going to the library but besides that, that is life for us. Nothing exciting.
So I sigh and yet I know too that we are thankful for the choice we had made for our family.
Lot of times it can be pretty boring and a lot of times it can be pretty difficult.
Often I’m just thankful that I can find what I need at the library because otherwise we couldn’t be able to have access to it.
But it can also be difficult.
It’s hard to just smile and not feel like having to justify why we are one income and one vehicle, because of budget and choice. Yes I can get a job or work from home, but it’s deviating from what we are currently doing and intefering.
For me, homeschooling, being a stay home mom, taking care of the kids and the home is a full time job in itself and to work from home or get a job outside, means sacrificing something from the kids and the home. I can’t get that back as I can easily (well maybe not in the current economy) get a job.
There’s always going to be an opportunity to get a job, but there will never be an opportunity for me to get back the times I miss from my children.
So it’s difficult for me when I am around my aquaintances and they dont’ understand why I don’t attend “Spa Night” because of modesty issues and truthfully, just not comfortable with “work talk” and “gossip” that I feel is more distracting then uplifting and encouraging.
I feel bad because when they say they “are glad the kids are in school because they can’t handle them during the summer” and end it with “you know what I mean”, the truth is, I dont’ know what they mean, because for me, I enjoy being around my kids and in the summer time, we are utilizing the warm weather before it gets too hot for vacations and nature walks and then when it gets too hot, we head to the library since it’s free and still engaging in on and off topic studies during the summer.
Or the,”You must be able to afford staying at home”. No, we really can’t because it means giving up on luxary items and we dont’ take expensive vacations.
Vacations for us is stay-cations of places that are within a short drive for us or we stay with my in-laws and that is our vacation. Sometimes vacation is in our backyard where the oldest practice his baseball and football tand the youngest and I are taking “walking tours” of a garden that I have no luck growing, lol.
Me staying at home means, I can’t buy new clothes on a whim or we go eat at resturaunts but it means that hubby and I actually cook together and make meals from scratch and quite truthfully, I feel embarrassed to say that we prefer that over eating out. It’s not only healthier but we tend to be more creative in our cooking and I cherish the bonding time he and I have while cooking or bbqing, because that is time we get to spend together after him having a long day at work.
Or if he’s tired from work, he sits at the kitchen counter and watches as I cook and we talk about his day, about the next day or just whimisical things that come to mind.
Sometimes he turns on Reggae music (yes we love Reggae) and an impromptu dance happens in the kitchen as he, I and the kids laugh and dance and just enjoy our time as a family.
We dream and talk about opening our own resturaunt on a Caribbean island, though he and I know that will never happen but it’s not that, which is what fufills us, but just the time he and I spend together.
We really dont’ have much at least by today’s standards. We dont’ have the latest gadgets, and most I have or do, I either try to make by hand, improvise or pray that if it’s really worth having that our Father paves the way that we are able to gain whatever it is we need.
In this case, a sport’s net that we were able to get for $5.00 but well loved and will be well used for our home.
I don’t cut my hair, but rather let it grow long so talking about the latest hairstyles just isn’t big on my list of interests. The neighbors and acquaintences go to the beauty salon to get their hair cut, while I just smile and nod but not sharing how I have hubby help me trim the very ends but other than that,beauty salon to me, means brushing my hair in the morning before tying it back so it won’t get in the way of house cleaning.
It’s hard sometimes to not think about this in the back of my mind and think, really….my life is pretty quiet and boring.
Then again, I watch movies like Jani Oake’s “Love comes softly” and think…I would probrably feel more at place out on a homestead then I do in the city.
The acquaintences talk about the latest clothes and I sit back quietly thinking, I really really really hope I get a sewing machine, finally, this year so I can just make my own skirts and dresses for my youngest and hopefully save more money that way.
I struggle with, for us, it’s living with what we need, not what we want, though we are human and there are times I long to just be able to buy a planner and not just over months time, put one together to have for the next year.
I would like to participate in conferences and go to one, but one, it’s out of my league and two, I really want my family to come with me. I want my husband to participate since it’s about more what we are doing for us and our family then just what I want to be done or on a group level, but that isn’t possible with his work and even then, I am one of those weird ones who just like to be able to do and share this with the family.
Maybe if my mother in law was more into homeschooling, she and I would one day go together, but till then, it’s really just me and my husband and I’m just that weird, shy, not into going by myself.
Which brings to another thing…how do I explain to the acquaintences, I’m really not snobby or anything, but just that really…I’m pretty shy and tend to keep to myself. I feel. awkward. in social situations in any type.
Even online, it’s hard for me to know what to say or know what to think to say and even then, I tend to pretty much keep to myself. I tend to like to just sit back and observe and listen then jump in and participate. It’s just the way I’ve always been and funny thing, I share with people that ,”Yes I went to public school and was never homeschooled and even went to college and even then was never the social butterfly”.
It’s not that I’m being snobby, but often I just don’t know what to say or I’m really too busy in my real life or just rather daily life, to fully participate or be a social butterfly like everyone else.
Lot of times, it’s also because it’s easier for me to protect myself from being hurt after many years of being burned and backstabbed and well…just hurt from sometimes not so well meaning people that I would after a time, open up to, only to later be betrayed or un-friended and well…just hurt.
So….there’s this big thing going on this week and I’m contemplating why I just didn’t want to go. I know everyone means well and even wants me to be friends with this one individual, who really, I dont’ have anything in common with and just don’t feel comfortable around.
Nothing personal. Just we dont’ click and right now just not the time or season for us to be friends with.
Plus she doesn’t have kids and not that it’s a huge requirement but as a stay at home mom who homeschools and is slowly growing and praying that our Father will refine and humble and strengthen in her walk, she and I don’t see the same things eye and eye and I worry too that it will be a stumbling block not an encouragment.
Not to say I’m perfect.
For the record. I’m not.
I’m beyond so imperfect and grateful we serve a God who is perfect and loving and knows I can use all His help. LOL
Just a quiet. Really quiet. Meek. Girl.
The bookworm in the corner who pushes her reading glasses up with one finger while a stray hair keeps getting in my vision as I try to read or write.
They mean well, but maybe meet me for coffee. Let’s have a lunch, but after 5 p.m., unless it’s church related or homeschool related, I live a pretty boring life.
I love my Heavenly Father. I love my husband. I love the life we choose. We, hubby and I, both decided and were convicted about me being a stay at home mom, not a work at home mom, but a stay at home, and we see the benefit of what WE chose, for OUR family.
I say that because people forget that it’s a personal choice that works for us and our walk, not for them and their walk, or the people next door, or the town or society…us…my husband and I and our family.
Nothing personal except, to us.
So it irks me when they turn around and encourage me to, “just find a job, we do it and well..just couldn’t do what you do”. “Okay,” I think,”That’s great, but this is my life not theirs”.
I won’t get a job or put my kids in school or daycare to make people on the outside feel better….that’s not in my job description or my job; I’m not their therapy. Our Father has laid it in my life to serve Him, my husband and my family first and foremost. That is my calling and my ministry starting at the home.
I wish I had exciting adventures to share, but often, it’s just quiet, little ol me. Nothing to see.
Most days, my life is boring. Really.
Get up. Breakfast. Clean or School.
Maybe we have those odd days when everything is caught up, there’s no school and we’re curled up with a book or a busy day project.
Other than that….nothing else much to see or hear.
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