“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a
person, having neither to weigh thought no measure words, but pouring
them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together,
certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is
worth keeping, and with a breadth of kindness, blow the rest away”
~Dinah Craik
26 The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray. (Proverbs 12:26, New King James Version)
In a book that me and my mentor are working together through, one of the topics that came up was the importance of finding and having Godly friends, be it temporary for a season, or for more than a season.
The trick is that we live in a busy world where most of our social connections are by facebook, blogging, twittering, and very few are often by how most friendships use to be developed such as through going to school together, sharing same interests, through work or just in the neighborhood.
When we come to think of it, how do most of us really make friends and often, real life friends as in friends that we meet on a regular or semi-regular basis or through our church or playgroups?
We all crave friendships.
It helps us feel connected and have that shoulder to lean on when time is tough, but in today’s busy world, it seems difficult for some to find that like minded connections or like many, we try to cultivate those friendships and put our hearts and souls on the line, only to find ourselves rejected, hurt, and abandoned.
Praise our Heavenly Father, first and foremost, that no matter what, where or who, He is always there and in the bigger scheme of things, He is and should be and always will be the only friend, if not the “Best Friend” in our lives.
He doesn’t fail us or judge us or reject us or not have time for us as unfortunately our human counterparts can or will do, but how do we expand our circle of friends when we seek to find others who are like minded and trust worthy to eventually be called a “friend”.
Now, I don’t claim to have all the answers, and truth is, like many that are out there, often find myself wishing that I could find like minded, real world counterparts, to be able to meet for coffee or just “hang out” and have “playdates” in between school, but truth is that we still live in an imperfect world and people will still and sometimes always disappoint us or sometimes…well are friends, but friends for only a season, and that in itself is still okay.
Frustrating sometimes because it would be great to have that “friend I could just call up and say, can you come over for coffee, I need to cry or could you just pray for me”.
Sometimes, friends come in and come out for a reason, maybe God seeks to use us in some form or fashion to touch their lives, and maybe they are just there for a season, so in and through them, that our Father, can touch our own lives.
Whatever the case, we must not forget that our dear Abba is always there for us, first and foremost and that if anything, when we seek friends, to seek friends that are godly and who will support us not drag us down.
One of the greatest example is probrably the friendship of Jonathon and David, where no matter what, how bad things got, their friendship bear the marks of time.
Now, reality wise, we have to remember, friends, like love, depicted on t.v. and movies are just that, fictional. It’s truthful rare that we have those die-hard friends like we see on t.v. or in the movies who is there no matter what and for many, our friendships may grow apart, move states away or just…..disappear.
Then there are sometimes we are blessed by friendships that we may never meet in person but one day in God’s kingdom, will meet, while others, through and in our Heavenly Father, we will be blessed to meet in person.
Whatever is the case, there are truths that hold strong such as:
- No matter what, we must take care how we choose our friendships
- Our friendships are often based on those that will encourage and strengthen your relationship with Jesus Christ and vice versa,
- We can’t be friends with both the world and God-eventually the two will collide and a choice will have to be made
- We are the company we keep-our friendships can often reflect us
Paul Chappell of PaulChappell.com wrote an article called “7 ways to be a Godly friend “and laid down principles, gleaned from scripture that I think we could all benefit from.
Some of the points highlighted were points that I think we all need to remember such as the fact that:
- Friends don’t harbor grudges. Really. 24 Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go,
(Proverbs 22:24, New King James Version)
God doesn’t hold grudges against us. Though we ALL have sinned, He offers us forgiveness and that is forgiveness that we should show each other for not just for the other person’s good, but for our own relationship with our Heavenly Father.
Yes.Friends can make us mad, but what about ourselves? We are not perfect.They are no more perfect than we are. We would want forgiveness if we wrong, don’t we? So why refuse to offer that to others that we feel (keyword “feel”) wrong us.
Which leads us to, I think, a good principle about friendships:
- Godly friends are able to forgive each other for each other faults. Godly friends know that sometimes the hurts caused are unintentionly and are mature enough to own up to mistakes, ask for forgiveness, say ‘sorry’ and move on but not apart. Godly friends seek to not only just resolve tension but seek for peace, realistic peace and that also includes realizing no one is perfect.
With that, we are guided to a great reminder that a good friend isn’t afraid and able to say, hey there is spiniach in your teeth. Okay, maybe not spiniach, but it leads us to that:
- Loving truth can be spoken to each other. 6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. (Proverbs 27:6, New King James Version) I say lovingly, because there is a right way and a wrong way to point out something to a friend and it also take for the recipent to swallow one’s pride and humbly be able to take what is shared. We all have our blind spots-No one is perfect but in the process, we have to be willing to step back as well and ask ourselves, is our friend speaking to sharpen us as we are called to sharpen (with love) them? (ref. Proverbs 27:17). We much rather our friends be honest with us, rather than speak words of constant honey and in the process rather than help us, end up either enabling or allowing us to continue a behaviour or pattern that may potentially be harmful to either ourselves or others. Now there is a fine line to walk.
With that said, there is no room for envy, jealousy, or lack of support for the other and a Godly friend is there to celebrate the blessings of each other, as well lift each other in times of adversity and/or sorry.
17 A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17, New King James Version)
My hubby shared that some of the people he considered to be “friends” are those who has been through thick and thin with and for him and not even distance can seperate their friendship. Now some of his friendship was born out of common comradrie of being in the Marines, but it is an example how, we should seek and be, friends no matter what the situation is.
With that said, a Godly friend is someone whose always going to make time for you and you for them, no matter what the time of day, if you are having a bad hair day or not, nothing.
As Proverbs 18:24 shares, 24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24, New King James Version).
From personal experience, I’ve had my share of “fair weather friends” then Godly friends who call me a friend but then never had the time. Then when they did, they were always too busy to pick up the phone, drop an email or just say hi. Yet, when they needed me, they were quick to call, but when they didn’t….they weren’t there.
For everything there is a time and season, and though I’ve had my fair share of heartaches and bad friendships, through it all, there is one friend I know I could always count on no matter what, Our Heavenly Father.
He is there, through thick and thin and with that, the trust that He has something else planned for me, but I need and must trust Him and leave it in His hands not mine. I pray that He will open doors of opportunity that I may make new friends and prayfully, He will send Godly friends my way, but in the meantime, I trust in Him, even in times when it feels hard and keep my head up high and keep on smiling, even when it may hurt on some days.
God is good. He is so very good and loving and He is the Best Friend of all.
Meantime, I lean on Him and I turn to Him as I seek to understand, not by world’s standards, but by His standards what it is to be and what is it find in a Godly Friend.
Maybe you feel the same way, you’re not alone. God IS there for you.
Maybe you have been blessed to have or have had Godly Friends. If so, what are somethings you have learned makes a Godly friend and what are some ways you have learned, doesn’t make a Godly friend?
No matter what, always remember, God loves you for you. God bless you Gentle Reader and more than anything, Gentle Friend.
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