Gathering at the Well discussion question
At the Well provided the following eye catching post that went,”
Thousands of women log onto forums, blogs, Facebook and Twitter accounts each and every day in order to speak their minds. The internet age has afforded us the opportunity to say whatever we want whenever we want, and we are all clamoring to be heard.
But, what are we saying?
Discretion is something we all like to think we practice, yet we know there are times when we speak badly of our husbands or our children or our mother-in-law and discretion gives way to venting which gives way to a drippy faucet of complaints.
Sometimes we take the “high road” and do our complaining without mentioning names. We stand on our proverbial soapbox and rant and rave about certain behaviors that bother us while envisioning one particular person, who now anonymously stands condemned through our words.
The post contained some very mindful verses to contemplate:
Proverbs 10:
Verse 14
Wise people store up knowledge,
But the mouth of the foolish is near destruction.
Verse 19
In the multitude of words sin is not lacking,
But he who restrains his lips is wise.
Verse 21
The lips of the righteous feed many,
But fools die for lack of wisdom.
Verses 31-32
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom,
But the perverse tongue will be cut out.
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable,
But the mouth of the wicked what is perverse.
and had the following discussion questions that I wanted to contemplate over and share here on my blog as well.
It’s the holidays.
We know what it’s like; Getting together with friends and families, some whom we may have tense relationships, or we maybe going through a period right now where we or maybe someone has said something to us that has “rubbed us the wrong way”.
At the Well asked some pretty provocative questions regarding this topic:
1. Is there a line between what is okay to talk about online and what is not okay?
I think there is a line between what is okay to talk about online and what not to talk about and I know that it’s something I’m learning myself as well. A Titus mentor at church, had a discussion with me and she brought up a very powerful reminder.
When we share things online via Twitter, Facebook or even by email or private messages, it does several things that make repentance pretty difficult:
- First, it’s for everyone to see. It’s difficult to “change your mind” once it’s in print.
- When we write, we tend to write in a “snapshot” of our current tone and emotions and when other people read it, they may not read it in the same “tone” or “emotion” and maybe in a different “tone” or “emotion” then it’s meant to be and a lot of time, from that, misunderstandings and hurt can happen-rather intended or not.
- It’s a constant reminder-Our Father in Heaven, when He calls on us to forgive, also wants us to move on, but when we have it down in hard copy, it’s just as hard to take back, because everytime, we see it, the person hurt sees it, or just the fact, we have a constant reminder, it’s like an anchor that still drags us back to the source of the problem. When we read it….we remember why and what and how many of us, can’t seem to just “let go and move on”. Having it in print, isn’t any better.
2.Where is that line? What does running from house to house look like in this modern age?
MASS email; Private messages, posting on Facebook or on Twitter or even our own blogs, knowing that not only people we know will read it, but people we don’t know.
It’s 1 Timothy 5:13,“And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.”
3. Where is the line between venting and gossiping or tearing another person down?
The line gets cross when it no longer becomes about someone venting and it becomes about directly attacking another person out of “loyalty” by actively participating via spreading rumors or gossip that oneself, cannot one hundred percent, verified without finding out from both sides.
When we blur or don’t share the facts and more importantly, rather than going to the source itself to find out the story, relying on word of mouth of the person venting. We don’t know both sides of the stories and sometimes, by just relying on one side, versus the others, we do tend to get a distorted idea of what is really going on, no matter how well intention the offended may claim to be.
Check with the offending party, but if there is no way to do so, the best thing, is to not participate and end up become the offending party instead.
I was reading “Becoming More than a Good Bible Study” and this phrase just leapt out at me,”…when we eat up our own…”.
That is a bad testament to the Christian faith when we feel justified in shunning, verbally attacking or posting or bullying other people based on gossip.
4.Do we really have a right to say whatever we want to say?
No.
We are representatives of our Heavenly Father and there is a difference between constructive criticism and just plain being rude in the name of “just being honest”. When it doesn’t take into consideration of how it would affect the other person and can this hurt the relationship and based more on “I don’t care”, it becomes truly less about bearing good testimony to the Christian relationship.
We don’t know what is fully going on,in another person’s life; We dont’ know all the more, if we are dealing with people we’ve NEVER met in real life and being in cyberspace or just casual meeting at church or wherever, doesn’t give us the right to feel we are never truly seen or known by our Heavenly Father.
The book of James is very critical about taming our tongues and how it is like a weapon that if carelessly used can bear more bad testament to ourselves and cause another to stumble more than we intend.
5. How can we remind ourselves to practice discretion?
The old famous, “WWJD”. He spoke with love and even spoke truth with love without saying, “I lovingly mean it”…because He meant it.
Before we speak or post to others, it is something to develop and learn the habit of walking away. Take a deep breath and really take a deep breath before communicating to another and remember what I even have based as guidelines for comments:
- Speak words of fellowship to each other:
8Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. 11He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. –1 Peter 3:8-11 NIV
- Do we speak with the intent to be like clanging cymbals:
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.(I Corinthians13:1).
And finally:
- When we speak, do we speak in a way that could cause another to stumble and are about disputable matters that at the end of the day; Is it really going to matter that much or warrant worth to hurt a relationship over?
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