2 Timothy 1:7 (New International Version)
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
I would love to be a lion, but I feel like a mouse.
I would love to be the center of a floor dancing, but I’m clinging to the wall as awallflower.
I want to roar…but I can barely manage a squeak.
Uhm…why me? What good am I Lord if I have two left feet?
I’m pretty shy and very introverted;Social situations terrify me, because I’m afraid of what to say or what people will think of me;Say a word to me and I’m a blubbering mess or I do the wrong things (or at least I think I do) and I say the wrong things to the point, I just want to hide in a corner.
As I listen to my pastor’s sermon, this past weekend, this verse just leaped out and burned in my mind and soul and all I could think is,”Uhm…not me; That’s not me. Can I go hide now?”, but no matter what…I’ve been thinking about this verse ALL day and ALL night that I felt compelled to just write about it.
Even now I second guess myself the reason why.We all feel that.
Second guessing.
Self-questioning.
Doubts.
Worries.
For me, trying to understand, what does God want with me and what use am I to Him when I feel like a nobody sometimes and even then, not really worth for Him being use.
“Really, Lord,” I ask Him,”Me? Seriously? What do I have to offer that is of any worth? I’m just a broken vessel.”
So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do. Luke 17:10 (KJV)
We all have had those moments;Even a devotional, I had read seem to drive it home,
“Many women are living in silent defeat, comparing themselves to other women who are living in secret defeat. I’m not a good mother. I’m not a good wife. I’m not a good Christian. I’m not a good witness. I’m not a good housekeeper. I’m not a good decorator. I’m not a good cook. I’m not a good …. Women are caught in a cycle of the “I’m not good enoughs.” One by one, the petals fall from the beautiful flower God created us to be. Like ticker tape, our fragmented pieces of confidence litter the streets like the Macy’s parade passing by. -From Girlfriends in God, Wednesday, January 28,2008″
It’s a challenge when dealing with situations like this as a Christian woman as to what to do?Hide?Squeak a little more softer?Where’s the bed covers…I think I’m going to dart under them.
No.The truth is…THAT is not the life that our Heavenly Father has for ALL of us.
2 Timothy 1:7 (New International Version)
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
Not really comforting words for someone who is quick to hide in the corner like me, but as I listen to the pastor word’s talking about the importance of getting out of the rafters and moving forward into the circle of fellowship with not only our brothers and sisters, but just everyone around us, it just really struck home, how I allow my walk with our Heavenly Father get stunted.
How is that a victory for our Heavenly Father there?
It’s not….is it.
I feel like I don’t have a voice or that it matters and even then, I allow myself to be limited by being afraid what other people will or rather, MIGHT, think and in the process, I’m stunting myself as well letting my Heavenly Father down, by NOT getting His word out to those who need them.
How are those who don’t know the word of God, know the Word of God, if we care more about what people will think of us or in some cases, get too wrapped up in what “WE” are thinking then stopping and thinking….wait…How is this (or not) helping someone who, through and in Jesus Christ, we can be used by Him, to reach….them?
We’re afraid to offend someone and maybe that next someone is someone who is hungry to know the word of God and we had that opportunity but missed it because the situation was not “safe” for us.
Or, maybe, like I feel sometimes, so terrified of being hurt, that we say nothing at all, and miss an opportunity by our Heavenly Father to use a situation or person, to maybe answer a prayer we have or a need we have?
I know when faced in situations like this, I’ve GOT to turn more to scripture.
Some scripture that I have looked up and felt is worth not only writing down on post it notes, highlight in my bible but MEMORIZE are the following:
- Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
- Psalm 55:22-Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
- Psalm 56:3-4 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.
- Proverbs 3:25-26 Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.
- Proverbs 29:25 The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.
I so long to feel more brave and less afraid; More extroverted and less shy.
That’s easier said and done, but if I am going to experience faith versus just proclaiming it, I owe it in humble obedience to our Heavenly Father to find ways to strive toward that and living that.
We always have a long way to go; It’s a journey.
Our Heavenly Father knows our heart though (Psalm 139:1-4) and if we are truly trusting of Him and honest with Him (Matthew 5:8; James 4:8) We are not in it alone.
And Solomon, my son, learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately. Worship and serve him with your whole heart and a willing mind. For the Lord sees every heart and knows every plan and thought. If you seek him, you will find him. But if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. ~1 Corinthians 28:9
He’s there….Every step of the way.
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