I was reading Genesis 24:1-67 and just reflected on the hard choices that Abraham had to make when something so silly and superficial, but yet so emotional came up today.
The fair-weathered friend.
You know them.
We’ve all had them in our lives.
They are there when it’s convenient for them, they have no one else to talk to, or something happens in their lives, but beyond that, they have nothing more to do with you if something “better” comes along.
Sigh.
What is hurtful is when, it seems they don’t even want to acknowledge to anyone else their friendship with you or ask for advice and either take personal credit for it, or just ignore it all together, making one even wonder, why ask in the first place.
For me, I felt hurt because it leaves a sense of…my word and friendship wasn’t really valued that much in the first place and we’re just…”fillers” till the fair-weather friend,’real friends” have time for them, then we’re dropped like “hot potatoes”.
Nothing we say really matters and it seems that the “fair weather friend” puts more weight and thought in other people that they consider “more as friends” than in our words.
I really felt neglected and hurt and well…like we were playing a childish game, when out of the blue, I hear from a fair weather friend, only knowing that they are talking to me, not because they really cared or wanted to, but just “they didn’t have anything better to do”, or “needed something”.
This leaves a sense of…why try to pursue a friendship if we are nothing more than acquaintances and even then, not worth the pain of a false friendship.
I try to get my mind off of things and while reading,”Mocha on the Mount” I came across this verse,
Matthew 5:6-8 (New International Version)
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God
and I just felt my heart break and wanted to cry but then went…honestly, the trouble was that I didn’t have the heart to tell her, that we weren’t really friends and that I thought of her more as a passing acquaintance who called or emailed only when it suited her, but beyond that…really didn’t bother to care what else was going on.
Not even so much as a “Hey, what have you been up to?”
My conflict was that as much as I wanted to be nice with her, I just had reached a point that I reconciled we, were no more friends but acquaintances and when I heard from her, it seemed only when she needed something or had no one else to talk to.
This hurt me because many times, it was easy to see how she would put other friends before me and only would talk to me, well, when no one else would and I found myself at a lost of what to do or what to say.
As if not replying to her emails after several months wasn’t enough, it seemed difficult how to explain to her that, I just didn’t considered her as a friend without concern that I would be needless judgmental.
Being judgmental wasn’t a desire but just trying to be tactful and diplomatic was. Unfortunately it seemed the fact that I hadn’t emailed or called for several months, didn’t seem to get the message through.
How many of us have fair weathered friends like that in our lives? They are there, but not really there and may ask for our advice or opinion but then completely ignore it all together or act with other people that they weren’t friends with us at all?
I came across this,”Finding Peace” and I really like this acronym that was shared:
F.R.I.E.N.D. = Found Reaching In Every Needed Direction.
I could use a friend like that. Wait…we do….We all do through Jesus Christ.
He doesn’t play favorites or lay more importance in one person over the other, but sees us all.
This is, honestly, very comforting, as I lay with the difficult task of being friendly and cordial, but simple with this “fair weathered friend”.
We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people and none of us are free from the faults that sin has binded to us.
It doesn’t mean at the same time though that we are to be doormats or not have healthy and realistic boundaries, such as learning that there are just people who as much as we want to be friends with, aren’t willing to give that same level of commitment and that doesn’t make it wrong…just that sometimes the right thing is to draw the line and back off.
The ones who truly call ourselves friends, we will know who they are without them having to tell us and they will be there, no matter how much time has passed.
Just as we want to know how they are doing and we care about them, we will here from them as well and that is a true friend.
There are people who do care and love to not treat us at a distance but instead,pull us close to them in love and friendship, no matter what.
Hosea 14:4-I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely: for mine anger is turned away from him.
This will heal and pass.
It hurts though.
It does hurt to have someone,one calls a friend and yet feel like they don’t need you, unless they need something or just need to “fill in time” only to have them ignore you elsewhere.
Some ways, it’s almost like they are ashamed of anyone knowing they are friends with you, but it’s a reminder that we have to watch whose company we keep around us.
A good friend is always there to build you up, even when you are not there, versus one whose friendship can be measured by the weather.
Needless to say….I am having a “I need some chocolate to comfort” day.
I prayed about it.
I was polite but brief and know there is only so much that I can do and have to approach this in the best, Christian way I can, swallow the hurt and let it go.
My peace is the understanding that as hard as I tried, I did the best I could to be the best friend that I could, but that there is only so much that I could have done.
Being a friend doesn’t also mean being a doormat and if someone doesn’t want to invest that commitment to be a true friend, it’s not healthy to continue to enable a fair weather friendship that is without fruit.
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