Sunflower Faith

Proverbs 18:24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly,

Recently I had spoked with a friend who was dealing with a difficut friendship not because it was obvious, but because it was subtle enough that she knew something was wrong, but felt that the friendship was not as honest as it should be.

“What should I do,” asked the friend.

The truthful reply is that no friendship is ever perfect and we all have our flaws. No one is perfect except Jesus Christ, however, as we walk our walk with Him, one of the things we struggle with and must learn that as touching as our friendships can be, it can also be as harmful to another as well.

Even David had to deal with false friends:

Psalms 35:11-16- (NAB)- Malicious witnesses rise up; They ask me of things that I do not know. They repay me evil for good, [To] the bereavement of my soul. But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth; I humbled my soul with fasting; And my prayer kept returning to my bosom. I went about as though it were my friend or brother; I bowed down mourning, as one who sorrows for a mother. But at my stumbling they rejoiced, and gathered themselves together; The smiters whom I did not know gathered together against me, They slandered me without ceasing. Like godless jesters at a feast, They gnashed at me with their teeth.

The trouble is that no matter where we are, who we are, we have to deal with the pain of friendship.

“Speak honestly but with love,” was my honest reply,”Be prepared if you’re not responded in like and maybe like all things, this friendship’s time has come to pass. God doesn’t give us anymore than we can handle, but we also need to be prepared to speak with truth, and love so whatever or motives are, our friendships and even if our friendships with our friends are no longer to be, will not be a dishonorment with God. If we dishonor our friends, we are not being any more truthful with Him. Make sure that the motives is pure and not because of personal emotions or motives. ”

Being a friend is more than just always good times and laughter, but it is also a time of being sensitive, considerate and making sure one’s motives isn’t for purely selfish reasons but for an outcome that doesn’t cost a friendship that may not be as repairable as we hope.

I struggle with words and thoughts and in exploring both scripture and other sources I came across this quote from “Tell it Like It Is” by Annette Smith,”To avoid talking truthfully to a friend about a situation that’s hurtful, dangerous, or out of God’s will, is to dishonor both the friendship and the friend. When we’ve been trusted with the blessing of a friend, we must love that friend enough to be willing to experience hurt, rejection, even anger. In the end, truth heals.”

Often we may not intend to hurt another person, but by not heeding James advice about the tongue, we can unknowingly hurt a friendship and cause another to stumble more so than we originally may have intended.

Being a friend is about being two sided. It’s not just what is good for one person, or being exclusive but how does this benefit both people in the relationship. When someone is a “friend” in name only because they are just needing to fill time, amuse themselves or make themselves feel better, it can run dangerously into a form of self-idolatry where there are no winners but only hurt parties in many sides.

People are not perfect and they will let us down and because of this, we need to solidify our security in God who is always there no matter what. He is there without conditions or whims.

I had come across another article about Christian fellowships and friends and it was a reminder of what a friendship isn’t and is:

Good friendship is not selfish or exclusive. Many people have friends as mere extensions of their own selfishness. They need friends to fill time, to amuse themselves and to feed a type of self idolatry. However, such people live in sin by abusing the gift of friendship. Friendship is two-sided and mutual. It should also look to the needs of others and welcome those outside a friendship group in. Selfish friendship trends to be exclusive, existing within an established social group and selfishly not allowing others to participate.

I shared this great devotional to help gain some perspective about broken friendships,”

How can I repair a broken friendship?
See your own contribution to the rift in your relationship.
Luke 6:37-42

When a friendship goes sour, it hurts. So you may respond to that hurt by trying to find someone—anyone other than yourself—to blame. A friend’s casual comment becomes, in memory, a malicious attack. A forgotten appointment symbolizes a callous disregard for your feelings.

But Jesus gives some good advice: Stop finding fault with your friends and take a good, hard look at your own shortcomings first. Not only is this advice spiritually healthy, it’s also eminently practical.

Imagine you go to your friend to “remove the speck that is in [her] eye” (6:42) by offering to “help” her fix the faults you so generously point out. How is she likely to respond? Now imagine you go to your friend acknowledging the “plank in your own eye …” (6:41). You admit your share of the problem and try to fix it first, maybe even asking for your friend’s help. How is she likely to respond now?

When you look at your own failings realistically, you’ll have a much better perspective on the perceived failings of your friends. For better friendships, be a better friend. (See also Leviticus 19:17, 18; Matthew 5:21-26; Matthew 18:15-20.)

Good Words to Remember:
Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

Today’s Challenge:
Do you look at your failings realistically or through colored glasses? If you ask a friend the same question about you, what would he or she say?

Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International/Christian Bible Studies.

Did something happen to cause that rift?

Rather than being unemotionally responsive and closing doors, go to God, ask Him,”Lord I give this to you first to help me and my friend to heal our relationship. Lord help me find the right words to speak to my friend whom I have hurt or who has hurt me and help us work this out in love and grace as You commend and not as we determine. Rather than shut the door and leave with hurt feelings, Lord how can we resolve this so we both can come to better understandings, even if this friendship is no longer to be, but can still remain approached in a way that is and will be to Your glory and not for my personal satisfaction?

It hurts when dealing with a broken friendship and we’ve all been there. You, me, everyone.

Sometimes we may know why, other times we may not. Sometimes we are friends with people who really don’t care about us, and are really more in it for what they can get out of it rather than what they can give out of it and other times…there is something more that only time will reveal.

A true friend is there no matter what…through good and bad and is honest, no matter what, good or bad and it’s with praise that our Heavenly Father is that friend who is perfect who is there no matter what.

Our friends will fail us. They will hurt us. They will betray us. They will lie to us and they will mislead us, but through all that, our Heavenly Father is there, no matter what the circumstances is and He is above that and will lead us above that to His glory and praise.

God weeps with us through our pain and hurt. Time does heal…and the honest truth that without God, nothing else has meaning.

My prayers go to both sides of the friendship. To the misunderstandings, the intentional and the unintentional hurts and the prayer that through it all, the middle ground is always with and through Jesus Christ and no other.

As I write this…God lead my thoughts to the friendship between Paul and Barnabas and the rift that occured in Galatians 2:13.

Bible.org brought up a great point about what a broken friendship should teach us,”It is disheartening when someone on whom you are depending lets you down as Mark did. But Barnabas had a good point also. None of us is perfect; not Paul, not Peter, not Barnabas, not Mark nor anybody else. Everybody deserves an opportunity to prove himself. The question is not, “Who is right or who is wrong?” But rather, “How can we work together in Christian love to do the job God has committed to us?” God wants us to learn the grace of tolerance for one another. Paul and Barnabas seem to have lost it”

We are all imperfect and we all still slip up and make mistakes, but we need to learn to be the better persons about it and get past the hangups and apologize, acknowledge our differences and move on. Bear no grudges. Bear no ill will.

Satan was at work between Barnabas and Paul and he is at work when he seeks out to intervene and destroy friendships; He knows without the fellowship, it’s easier to invade and when we allow him to plant seeds of jealousy, pride, bitterness, grudges and anger at our friends in our hearts, he tries to win.

The reality is God is omnipotent. He overcomes and always will.

I thought it was interesting that one of the most common reasons for contention among believers was that,”our notorious lack of communication, especially failure to share our feelings. We find that it is easier to accuse, reprimand or condemn others for what they have done, to argue over trivialities or insist on our own way, than it is to admit honestly our feelings of hurt, insecurity, inferiority, anxiety, fear, selfishness or jealousy. We do not want to look bad, so we cover up those feelings.” Source bible.org

Beloved, if you find yourself today in a broken or hurting friendship and filled with feelings of bitterness, jealous, pride or anger, ask yourself…is this truly how God calls us to treat each other and ourselves? How can we go before Him and have and expect an honest relationship with our Heavenly Father when we don’t allow ourselves to have that with each other.

As I spoke with my friend…Life is short. Is it really worth closing doors because of the triviality of life. God forgave us and continue to seek our friendship, how are we to be a testament to Him if we don’t or cannot do that ourselves?

When we call ourselves friends, take care not to use the word lightly and ask ourselves…do I act in a way that lets someone know they are truly my friend or is it motivated by personal motivations.  How do I let the Lord lead me and my heart and tongue and if a wrong has been done, do I act in a way that glorifies God or do I act in a way that bears bad testament.

There are hurting hearts out there and sometimes by the most unintentional or intentional acts. When we speak to one and another, let’s speak with love and honesty to bring Glory to our Heavenly Father.

© 2008, Sunflower Faith. All rights reserved.

Sunflower Faith is a quiet, sometimes silly, sometimes sarcastic, sometimes serious, follower of Christ sharing words of devotion, encouragement and hope that is always about our Father in Heaven. So grab a cup of coffee and join Sunflower Faith in words of growth, hope and more all in the spirit of 2 Peter 1:5-8.

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